Brain bitching.

Why can’t they fix my head?
Why can’t I have one simple answer for what is wrong in there?
Why is my blood pressure so low and my heart rate so irregular?
How come I don’t get the privilege of feeling my feet?
It’s not fair that I am always spinning and rocking.
This medication does nothing for my vertigo.
Why do I have to see everything like it’s a box?
Why does everything have to blur and trail.
I am living my own bad acid trip. but without the acid.
I can’t enjoy Christmas lights because they make me dizzy and vomit.
I regret not enjoying them when I was younger.
I can’t drive myself around, and I am 21. I feel pathetic.
I need to hold on to my boyfriend for support when my balance goes.
I refuse to use the cane. I have too much pride.
I am ranting and raving.
Pissing and moaning because I just turned 21 and feel like I am not living my life the way it was meant to live.

Even though I am complaining I do know in my heart that it could be worse. It could be way worse. I could be dead or I could be completely deaf or even blind.
I used to worry about stupid things like making friends or what I would wear. Now I worry constantly about losing my hearing in my other ear. I worry constantly about passing out when nobody is around.

None of this makes sense to anyone, but me. Oh fxcking well isn’t this what the internet is for?